That little nagging voice; you know the one.

It's a four letter word, and not my favorite four letter word [although it also starts with F]. It's called fear, and I've been working though it for the last several [seemingly endless] weeks. Actually, scratch that. I've been working through the fear for years. Fear of failure; fear of success; fear of putting myself out there; fear of rejection; fear of making an ass of myself; fear of playing with the big guns - you name it, I've feared it.

Last year, my goal was to take my business to the next level; but looking back now, I don't even know what I thought the next level was. All I knew was that I couldn't go on the way I had been, doing everything myself; sewing everything myself; being everything myself. But I really didn't know where I wanted to go. I took a Ladies Who Launch Incubator, which is an intensive 4 week meeting with other women where you brainstorm for them, and they in turn, brainstorm for you. It was pivitol for me and was fabulous in terms of confidence building. Without it, [I know] I would have never had the nerve to fly to Chicago and pitch my apron line to the Country Living editors. That was a huge step for me. And I made it - it was amazing, and I still can't believe it, and am still so humbled.

But self-doubt has a way of creeping back into the psyche, and before you know it, it's taken root. It's hard to shake fear. It's hard to move through the fear. And yet, I still have this weird drive pushing me forward. I'm still trying, but I'm still scared. Does that make sense? Does that fear ever go away?

So, in working toward moving forward, I'm still trying to move my business to the next level. I still have no idea what that next level is. Recently, I took another big step out of my comfort zone and applied for the California Gift Show in July.

There. It's out there. I'm accountable.

And I'm pretty scared.

Yesterday, I received booth options, and once again, the fear arose. I could take a 10 x 10 booth in the middle of show, or a 5 x 10 booth in the back. I had applied for the smaller booth, thinking, it's my first show, I should be conservative. But seeing where the smaller booth was raised my doubts about the success of the show for me. And who knows, I may blow anyway. This will be the most expensive show I've every done. The larger booth is $2475, and the smaller booth is $1551. I know, we're not in Kansas anymore Toto.

There's a lot to think about, and it's been dragging me down. It's been hard to come here lately and be my normal cheery self. I think that's why I haven't been updating as much as I usually do. I have too much baggage these days - nobody wants to hear the doldrums. But this is what's going on - now you know.

This post may self destruct - but I strive to keep it real; and this is pretty real for me. Thanks for listening.

Comments

[Donna]

It *is* scary, but I KNOW you can do this. Applying is half the battle, because I know how easy it is to talk myself out of even doing that step. You are halfway there! And I know you know this, but you won't know unless you try.

Hell, throw caution and go for the big booth! Live large!

[kirsty thomson]

You go girl - You will do so well. I know stands can be so expensive. I have been debating for ages too on the cost of a stand at the festival of quilts in the UK and have decided on next year but you go for this year in California. I will be looking out for you.

[Lilie]

You are so brave to even apply. I haven't ventured out of the city yet for shows. I've gone the other direction. I've stopped doing shows all together. Sorry no advice here but all the best to you!!

[daisy janie]

Nothing can be more paralyzing or more motivating than a healthy dose of fear! It's that whole "you don't know what you don't know" thing, but you have a savvyness about you that I'm sure will work in your favor!

I did 2 previous trade shows (one in DC and one in Philadelphia). Turned out they were not the right venue for me, and everyone felt it was their duty to tell me so (ad nauseum). I don't know how CA is - if it's like Atlanta and NY - you'll be great!!! If you have any questions about anything from display to line sheets, I would be happy to answer for you. Heck, you can even have my line sheet to use as a template! All the best to you Carrie!!

[Cindy]

Wow - I can really relate to what you're saying. I can tell you that I don't have the stones right now to do what you did - shell out that big wad of dough for the show - but I APPLAUD YOU! Go get 'em! And btw, I'm so excited to be going to a Ladies who Launch Live event in Chicago next weekend!

[Helena B]

Carrie, I hear ya, it's freaking scary out there. But you should know that you can do it, if I were you, I wouldn't half ass it, your products are wonderful, well made and very pretty. I've been reading your blog for years now and honestly watching you grow as a company is quite inspirational. go for it, go for it, and go for it!

[Nicole]

oh lady, i KNOW what you mean. I get paralyzed with fear everytime I start a new venture. Fear that I'm going to blow all my savings and end up on the street, fear that I won't be able to pay down my CC debt, fear that people will laugh at me..... I literally have to curl up in a ball on the couch until it passes!

So... if I can do it I know you can do it too! You products are awesome and you are awesome!
xoxo

[j. caroline]

My opinion, since you asked, take the bigger booth! Especially if it's a better location. It's not as dramatic as $500 to $5,000 (and you'd still be bummed if the $1500 didn't pay? what's another $900?)

And don't get discouraged- the booth may not pay for itself this year. But you will learn a lot. And it may pay for itself 10 times over. You don't know until you do it. (I used to seek people's opinions about the apparel shows in Dallas and Atlanta and found what they told me was totally different than my personal experiences there.) You only know what works when you put your product out there and people give you money for it.

[beki]

Best of luck, Carrie. That little 4 letter word of one that I battle every. single. day. I applaud you for taking the risk - nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

[Chelle Parmele]

Someone once told me, courage is knowing you're scared out of your wits, frightened beyond belief, yet doing it anyway.

[Catherine]

Having worked more trade shows than I care to remember....here is my advice: 1. PAY the extra for the booth that will have the most foot traffic. 2. Forget fashion, wear comfortable shoes. The concrete will kill your feet, back and legs, yes, I do know from experience. Fear? Put a smile on your face, take a deep breath, and take baby steps, one fear at a time and I swear you will be fine. Your products are too wonderful to not cause a happy noise from the crowd. : ) ~Catherine

[Kerrie Lee]

I have a feeling fear never goes away for some people. People who are perfectionists. People who are overachievers. I don't know you well, Carrie, but I suspect you are one of those people who has very high expectations of yourself, and so I don't think your fear will ever completely go away.

That wasn't very encouraging, I know. But, you are growing, and you are progressing, and you are succeeding. You're traveling a path so many people wish they could travel. And many of us walking behind you are looking forward and thinking, "Wow, I hope I can be where she is someday."

About your booth: I too vote for the big booth. Either way, I think you'll have less regrets with the big booth. :)

[jennifer w.]

So proud of you for facing the fear and continuing to move forward! I can't wait to read a a post this time next year describing all of the wonderful things you have accomplished, and you new *fears*

[Jackie]

I hear you on the fear thing!! In being afraid, though, I think sometimes we sabotage ourselves and don't let success in. You have been incredibly successful and I say go for the big booth and keep that success coming!! Your stuff in beautiful and you'll do great! I think it's wonderful that you're taking this next step!

[Jess in MA]

Go you! Have you been to the show? What was your experience, did the booths in the back get enough attention? Were you too tired to venture that far as an attendee? That might decide it for you.

And don't ever be afraid to blog the panicked side. It's reassuring to know that people who are trying new and adventurous things sweat it, too. I'm in the midst of launching a new business and it is so scary!

Good luck! You'll do great!

[pam]

Get that large booth in the middle and kick some booth a**!

[Jules]

Carrie,

Why do you think I keep starting business after business? Because if I actually focus on the one that everyone says has potential--the one that every one says could be big...I might actually fail. At a business people say won't fail. Or, I might succeed...and then people will realize I'm a hack. Or...Or...Or...

So I start other businesses and avoid marketing the one I have. I am so with you on this. Just know you are fabulous, and that you can do this. You have to treat your business like a luxury car and push it to the limit on the open road, rather than staying in the slow lane on the way to the supermarket like I have been doing. I finally realized this weekend that I'm treating a Mercedes like a Ford Festiva. Things are changing for me soon, and hopefully for you, too.

Want to go for a ride with me? :)

[Denise]

I can imagine how scary it all must be, I'd feel just the same, fear of failure is my biggest issue. I hope you can over come some of it, I'm not sure if it will ever go away, but you're taking the right steps and you're moving forward. I wish you a ton of success - I think you're more than half way there already ;-)

[misti]

You have nothing to be worried about! The apron I bought from you is fabulous and I know everything else you make it awesome!!! :) YOU CAN DO IT!

[Arlette]

Hang in there, Carrie. I share some of the same fears as you do when it comes to business. You have a realy lovely product line so nothing should stop you from reaching your goals.
Aloha!

[Brie]

Oh yea I know that voice all too well. I try to tell myself that it's not necessarily "fear" but more butterflies, that antsy excitement of what "could" lie ahead. I am so impressed you are doing a gift show! It's something we've always dreamed of doing but are still too chicken. You'll do great and I hope you'll share all your secrets with us :) Go girl!

[Perrin]

Gook luck to you. I just started reading your blog and love your lovely items. I even love seeing your work space. I have recently started selling my items in the last year and I know exactly what you are feeling when you describe that fear. But I think you seem too talented not to try. Good for you!

[Perrin]

Gook luck to you. I just started reading your blog and love your lovely items. I even love seeing your work space. I have recently started selling my items in the last year and I know exactly what you are feeling when you describe that fear. But I think you seem too talented not to try. Good for you!

[Shannon]

Awesome post! I totally understand; it was almost like you were inside my head:) There are times when it is good to post ideas like this as someone out there might have a great idea for you.

The difference between the two booths is almost one more booth fee at a big show (does that make sense?) so why not go for it?

Take a deep breath and go for it. Then just take some time to plan it out. Dont forget to do a mock up of the booth. This is so exciting.

And one more thing...sorry this is so long.

Remember there is nothing to fear except fear itself.

[Louisa]

Your products are fabulous and made with great care and quality. I completely understand the fear you are going through, but by taking this step, you are creating new opportunities for yourself and your business. That is a huge step towards the next level. Congrats!